Things That Make Miss Chris Cry

My Wednesday lunch buddy, Bu Sri, bought me ayam goreng and gado-gado.

Class XI RSBI made me a going away present. Yep, that's me. I make one sexy Anime character.

I've hit a wall with blogging, or doing anything for that matter. I am heartbroken. For nine months, I woke up happy and excited to my start my day. I wanted to go to work. I liked the work I was doing, and I did not want it to end so soon.

Today was my last walk down the side streets of Jalan Merdeka as Miss Chris. I took pictures all the way to school telling neighbors, "mau pulang 30 Mei." In class I told my students that I said, "goodbye cat, goodbye mosque, goodbye palm trees, goodbye garbage, goodbye men that shout 'bule' at me in a friendly way, goodbye, goodbye." Lets face it, I went to my last day of classes wanting to cry. This was not a 'goodbye' I was prepared to make. I never thought it would be so hard.

My students gave me letters and sang songs. I was pulled into classes for gifts and photos. I took a break and headed to my tailor. For my Birthday, my teachers gave me batik so I made 2 skirts and a dress. Even the tailor depressed me. In Indonesian we talked about going home, how much they would miss me, and when I would come back. We clasped hands. I gave her a 'thank you so much' tip and wistful smile. I have a tailor. You know Depok is home when you have a tailor.

I came back to have my last mie ayam with bakso from a favorite street vendor outside my school. During second break another one of my students came in to give me a present. She and I had gone to Dufan together, and she framed a picture of us on the ferris wheel. She swayed back and forth, not wanting to leave yet not wanting to be late for class.

I went to my last class at SMAN 2, X4. I stood up in front of 35 students and said, "This is my last class EVER at your school," and they all shouted "NOOOO!" They stopped me in the middle of my lesson to sing "Leaving on a jet plane," and I had to think about every happy memory I could conjure up to keep from crying.

Before going home, a few of my X1 students bought fruit and snacks for a mini-party. We sat on the floor of their classroom in a circle, ate, and played cards. They started to cry as we said goodbye.

At home, my WORDS competition student came by to give me a gift and talk about how much the competition meant to her:

"Miss, I still talk to the friends I made there. I love that they comment on my pictures. Did you know that two of the students are dating now?! We all say 'cie, cie.' I want to thank you so much for that moment. I will miss you so much. I do not like to say 'goodbye' so I will see you later."

Tears in our eyes, I hopped in the shower before heading to dinner with another student.

A X2 student sms'd me earlier in the day inviting me to her house. She picked me up, we bought sate at the vendor in front of my street, and brought it to her house. Her mom and dad sat far away on the other side of the room, shyly speaking to me in Bahasa. They called my student's sister to come over, and when she arrived, she fired the typical, very to-the-point Indonesian questions at me: How old are you? How much money do you make? How much money do you spend? Do you have a boyfriend? How old are your parents? Do you drink? How much money do you make in America? Where do you live? Who pays for your house? Do you live alone?

I apologize now to my friends back home. When I come back, I will ask you evasive questions. I find myself meeting someone for the first time and saying, "How old are you? How much money do you make? Oh, and by the way, my name is Christine." I'm not kidding.

Having dinner exemplified everything I love about Indonesia. Honesty. Openness. Family. Friendliness. As the night progressed, my student's parents moved closer. They started talking directly to me. I was invited to stay over for the night and share a room with my student. It was all so touching, and as she walked me home, I couldn't stop soaking up my surroundings.

Damn I love this place. I love the dim lit streets and all of their crazy smells. I love watching boys hang out at the mosques across from futsal games. I love the sounds of the vendors trying to seduce people out of their houses with temptations of nasi goreng and martabak. I love that the only things you can see are the candles in the street vendor stalls and house windows.

I ended my night at Burger Loves Me, easily convincing Rie that we HAD to have nasi uduk. The vendor does not open until 10 PM, and he makes a mean fried mashed potato. Next week, at this time, I will not be sitting across from Rie sharing nasi uduk wrapped in paper. I will be in America. It just doesn't feel right.

Indonesia got to me. I got to it. Anas's mom, Lisa, turned to me the other day and while holding back tears said, "We all love you. Everyone loves you. We will miss you so much." Another friend over JCO donuts said, "When you leave, your life will be so different. But our lives will be different too. Nothing will be the same. Things will change with all of us when you leave. People won't go to the local cafe as much. Your brought our friends closer together. We love you. People here love you."

Again, immodestly, I just had no idea. I came to Indonesia to teach. When I first got here, I thought, "Well, if Depok sucks, it's only for 9 months. You can travel with your fellow ETAs, work longer hours at school, and make the time pass." I didn't even stay in Depok on weekends for the first half of the year. Then something happened. I started to make friends. I started having fun. I started becoming a part of my community. I was no longer a bule. I was one of the gang. I fell in love with Indonesia and its people. I made it home. I made connections and touched people just as much as they touched me. My presence had impact, and there is no way to describe that feeling.

A few final notes from my students:

"I think Miss Christine is a funny teacher. Miss Christine is always happy."

"funny and crispy"

"this is unforgettable moment on my life"

"I love the way you laugh."

"You are very beautiful because you not like American Bule. I get bored with American bule." (my students think I look French and Italian)

"If you arrive in America, don't forget to report to Facebook."

"I was laughing when you told us about the ghost in the middle of the day."

"I'm sorry if I was lazy. I was sorry if I was cheating." (Yes, you were.)

"The first time we met I had a headache because you talked to fast."

"Thank you for your attendance." (It's true, teachers here skip class a lot.)

"missing your story every Monday about your weekend"

"Someone tell you that you are lebay sometimes, I agree, but it is ok because we are all lebay sometimes."

"Miss Chris, I really hate when u talked in English-Indonesian combined into one. It really hurt my ear. Really strange and make me ill-feel. You know that....It just the same as people who talked indonesia try to use english and they can't speak english. it really disturb me."

"you are so up to date"

"your games not make me bored. It make me love study English"

"thank you for loving Indonesia"

"she is very respectful of Indonesia culture"

"because without you, there is no me."

"Miss Chris is superwoman."

"I don't want you to leave me."

"I have many friend in foreign, included USA, you know? They always despise my country! INDONESIA. Why?"

"you must pray more and say thanks god in all of your activities."

"I like your teaching."

"You are so patient. Thank you."

"You are the best bule teacher I ever meet right now."

"When I see you in first time, I thought you not friendly people. But it was a mistake. I like you. You are so kind to us."

"What do you think about Indonesian men?"

"C = cantik
H = Helpful
R = Rajin
I = I love you
S = So much"

"I just can give you a small present. My mother made it with her own hand. This is a batik skirt. I hope you like this, because I don't have enough money to buy you an expensive present."

"You make me smile and happy."

"I love your style and cool skirt."

"You are funny, although, I seldom understand what you say."

"I feel sad when I heard you will leave us."

"You are the best teacher from USA because you are the only teacher from America who teach me. But you is the best teacher this year."

"I like your laugh because it is unique."

"I hope you will be my friend. I want you to be my friend."